Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
