ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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