Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
