tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
