my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
