a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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