Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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