Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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