there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
