i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
