I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
