I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
