Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
