I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
