You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize