Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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