I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
