Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
