oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
