i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
