Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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