we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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