would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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