He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
