Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
