So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Found your dick twin last night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
