Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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