I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
