So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
