Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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