No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
