'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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