the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
