I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just high enough for therapy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
