Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
two words: eviction party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
