Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
