i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
