im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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