Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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