my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
