i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
