Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
