this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize