Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
