im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
