it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
