Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
