Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
