Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
