Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
