Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
