We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
