I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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