I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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