just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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