The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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