pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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