her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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