i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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