His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
