I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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