i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
