Do you still have your period?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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