Ketchup is God's man juice
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
