Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
