First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
