We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
