I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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