she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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