it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I want a musical about memes.
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