I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
