my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
