Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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