how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You pole danced in your parka.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
