peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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