i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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