what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
