My friends, they love my intelligence
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
