last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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