I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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